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Communicate your preferences: Share your needs and preferences early. Many times, people are concerned they will appear “needy” or “high-maintenance.” No, you are setting expectations. If your work requires you to be on virtual calls most of the day and you cannot text or call during the day, communicate this and let the other party know when you are available. If you prefer daily check-ins, even just a little text to say hi, let the person know. Are you punctual? Express your appreciation for being on time to dates. Are you constantly running late? Give your date a heads up and apologize in advance.
Do…put effort in to find out what you need from your date. That way you will know whether it’s worth pursuing things further. Bring up topics important to you casually in conversation and see how your date responds. Don’t…take too long from matching and messaging to long phone calls and meeting for the first date. Things can get interpreted very differently in messages and that’s why having a conversation over the phone or in person is better. Don’t take too long to get to that point.
Do you have an ex who has been hanging around for years or a f*ckboy that’s been messing with your head? What about those people you text when you’re feeling lonely or bored or who you think you might be interested in someday? I call these people the “maybes:” the exes, previous dates, and “it’s complicated” relationships that didn’t work out the first time around, but you keep their number in your phone “just in case” or are hoping something will change.
Repeat after me: Dating should be fun. It should not feel forced, boring, painful, or sad. If it’s not enjoyable, you’re either putting too much pressure on each date, feeling self-conscious about dating, or focusing on the wrong things. Remember that dating is not intended to have only one outcome. Every experience—whether it’s a date, Tinder conversation, or a few months of dating—brings you closer to clarity.
For some guys, they go about this subtly. Instead of directly asking the girl out on a date, they stick around her and do nice things for her, hoping she’ll start having feelings for them. But in any case, waiting for a lady to make a move on you is a huge dating mistake. It’s a simp move. If you want her, just go for her. There are also a group of guys who have a fantasy about the kind of girl they want but don’t do what it takes to get them. And one of the major reasons for this is that guys often select the kind of girl they want based on ego. They want the girl that has it all. The looks, the great skin, the class, and everything in between. And because of this perfect ideal they have in their heads, they pass on great relationships. This, however, doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with having high standards. But be realistic with your standards. Don’t have standards that are only possible in your fantasies.
How well you’re able to hold a conversation with people will determine to a large extent how they see you. Now, this isn’t about being an extroverted man who finds pleasure in going out and talking to people. Being able to hold a decent conversation goes beyond just being outgoing. Sometimes the loud ones are the most annoying. Rather, it has to do with empathy, selflessness, calmness, and a genuine interest in people. Anyone who has these, introvert or not, will be a good conversationalist. Even if the person doesn’t talk to you for a long time, the short moment you share will be worth it. It will be natural, memorable, and enjoyable.
As you focus on self-development in the new year, strive to be the partner you’re looking for. That way, you not only have a greater chance of attracting someone with those same qualities, but you’ll also have a stronger sense of self-sufficiency that will serve you while you’re single. It’s common to think a lot about what you want in a partner. But have you ever thought about what kind of partner you want to be? If you have a laundry list of dating must-haves, take a moment to think about whether or not you check those boxes as well.